Research confirms what many of us already knew, mothers have a much harder time getting promoted than single women and men with children. There seems to be a strange correlation with single men having issues moving up, as well, although I could not find a reason for this specifically in the research. From The Chronicle of Higher Education comes this:
“Take two equivalently qualified job candidates. One is known to be a parent. The other is not a parent.
With experimental scenarios like these, researchers have found substantial evidence of bias against mothers. In the studies of Shelley Correll, a professor of sociology at Stanford, childless women were roughly twice as likely to be called back or recommended for hire by an employer. And when childless women were recommended for a job, they were offered salaries approximately $11,000 higher”.
It is a scenario that plays out all too often and is perpetrated by people who are supposed to know that stereotyping and discriminating is just flat-out wrong, academia is mentioned and this is troubling. This is a double-edged sword with women who happen to be mothers, yet it doesn’t define them and they may be (hypothesis) not exactly accepted by the more (how do I put this?)- maternal? mothers who have made a career out of parenting or portraying themselves as good parents or forgetting that it is their kids that are in high school or middle school not them…yes those women. I have come to despise those women and it because, yes, they fit a stereotype and they help perpetuate it. I know I am supposed to feel some solidarity here, but I hate them for it sometimes. Just like a person who has fallen on “hard times” and is receiving assistance all the while hearing about what scum they are or whatever other people that FEAR the same fate call them, just like that feeling they get when they see a stereotype…or any ethnic group that has had to overcome hatred only to find themselves hating one another, because they HATE themselves and they are just destroying a mirror. Yes Fear and Hate, capitalized, all-caps even, because these are the most powerful “forces” out there. I say forces, because these aren’t feelings when they are permanent….they are states of mind. What sort of progress can ever be made if I fear going outside this maternal box or toward a better future and I end up hating the women that appear content with themselves as a mom and a wife. Sure everyone deserves to be happy…but my guess is that you are raising the self-entitled jerks that will be oblivious to anyone else, even you, yes you. This is why some of us (this is for the non-parents)some of us decide to have children, because we are terrified, this is our fear, the fear of “cool women” anyway-this is hard to define but I’ll go on-OUR fear is that THOSE stereotypical and oblivious people will multiply…ever wonder why there is all this obsession with zombies in the popular culture? Think about that for a second…
It’s a tightrope of being reminded when you go outside the norms of a social group with overt comments like “do you think you’re better than me?” “who do you think you are?” translation: know your place and most importantly do NOT EVER remind us that we may be oppressed in some way. More covert forms of social control exist as well, being excluded for instance and no one wants that…if your family or peers won’t even talk to you because you are a reminder that MAYBE aspiring to be something different is not the worst goal, how confident can one possibly be with a group of more “superior” aka not oppressed and oblivious people with whom you have nothing in common with? No wonder people scramble back to a dysfunctional life just to be accepted…being dysfunctional is better than being invisible. Then you are pigeonholed back into a stereotype that ensures that your kids are stuck…if you have them and I understand why people don’t. Moms can be as exclusive as any group I have ever met, I would probably have a better chance breaking down barriers with a motorcycle gang…I also have less of a chance of getting promoted and being taken seriously. I talk about my kids (because they say the darndest things just like ADULT people sometimes) and I get the cold shoulder from the snobs who are above this, those who probably read Tolstoy’s later work and were influenced by the not having children thing and by that I mean the stuff he wrote when he was totally insane and also decided having kids was a bad idea after having 14. I talk about Tolstoy with a group of mom’s and how the Kreutzer Sonata was also an actual Sonata and how Teddy Roosevelt considered Tolstoy a sexual moral pervert and…. if it doesn’t involve a story their kids wrote about their stuffed freaking dinosaur it is of no importance. Really? Of course I said this is a tightrope, not every mother is self-absorbed and not every academic will freak out when you mention how your kid’s new hobby has something to do with campaigning for our street name to be changed because they didn’t like it for some forgettable reason, because they have moved on to campaigning for the driving age to be lowered to 10.
We are expected to act like two distinct people, both of these in the public sphere, three people if you act differently in private and gossip about people or whatever some people do… WEB DuBois talked about this idea of a “double consciousness” and as it pertains to race, it makes sense. This is why Sociologists put gender with race and class….it makes us who we are, divides us, stereotypes us, and brings out fear and hate and strict social control in whatever group you are forced to be pigeonholed into…the illusion of choice is not an illusion if you realize this. It doesn’t make me feel a deep seated (almost but not quite) hate for these mothers any less knowing this… I don’t think it makes me less of a Feminist for feeling this way either. I understand the strategy of divide and conquer, but when there is nothing left to divide (if you are a mother with career aspirations and your budget literally leaves nothing TO divide)…all there is left is to conquer and if you aren’t with me, you are against me. If you aren’t outraged by discrimination or outraged about anything at all, because it isn’t “ladylike” or if you are a snob who feels that outrage is SO low rent, you are an idiot, Things don’t get conquered by peace, the etiology of the word does suggest a level of high emotion….peace is when the fight is done. Read the comments on these ‘micro mechanisms” by the ASA. They seem to put this is a more “even” way…I’m still pissed about it.